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Let’s get one thing straight…I have never MaureenDowd’d on weed food, but goddamnit I’ve tried – so it’s not some horrible crippling edibles experience that stifles my interest in them. It’s just, well, let’s face it…they often look like they came out of an EZ bake oven, taste like smashed asshole, and just get me spaced out – if anything…
But one sunny San Diego afternoon in early June, my spidey sense starting tingling, telling me some new form of high grade funk had entered my city. I needed look no further than my favorite SoCal medical marijuana storefront, Pacific Green Pharms, down by SDSU.
It turns out, their customer base (yeah, I said ‘customer’ – they don’t claim to be doctors at PGP, so they don’t call us ‘patients’) has been asking for an expanded line of edibles from a name they could trust. The dudes at PGP did their due diligence and found perhaps the most trusted name in the industry – Compassion Edibles, out of the Bay area in Northern California.
The crew at Compassion, eager to get their products into worthy outlets in SoCal, hooked up the hummingbirds at PGP with a truly badass sample box, containing a good dose of everything they offer on their diverse menu.
Always looking to spread the love, the PGP guys chopped the samples up into bite-sized portions, and handed out 10-20mg bombers to everyone who walked in the store that day. When I saw that they had samples of Compassion on deck, I dropped everything to get there.
Like I said, I don’t typically get excited about any edibles, and it’s incredibly rare that I go even a half a block out of my way to get my hands on some. I have, however, had my eyes on two particular treats as of late, but until now, they have only teased me via the world wide web.
Hoping to score a sample of the Compassion Edibles Chocolate Caramel Sea Salt Bar or the Compassion Edibles Snickerdoodle Cookie, I made the 45 minute trek after work through rush hour traffic from my house in the hills, to their spot on College Avenue.
When I arrived, Scrap the budtender handed me a bite-sized piece of a medicated Bagel Crisp from the sample pack, and I shit you not, it produced a welcome little garlic-y buzz almost immediately. To my dismay, though, he said some random dudes got the Chocolate Caramel Sea Salt Bar a few hours earlier.
I was unable to hide my emotions, but before the first tear fell, Scrap busted out a full size, unopened Snickerdoodle, and told me to take it home for the night.
It just so happened, the wife was working that night and she had got the kids a couple of movies to watch. Check aaaand check.
Looking back on the experience, I can’t help but laugh at the ritualistic manner in which I readied myself for a fucking cookie. If you’d have been watching, you might think I was about to mainline ayuhuasca or something by the way I prepared my set and setting.
With the lighting just right, my comfiest pajamas on, and my milk properly chilled in my mug, I tore into the immaculate Compassion packaging at exactly 8:00pm.
While it may seem trivial to some, edibles packaging is important to me. Not the logo or the font, but the information that a good edibles label should provide.
The Compassion Edibles label is clear and easy to read and understand. Eat the entire thing and you will get 100mg of THC, delivered in a cookie containing 8.3 grams of dried cannabis. The ingredients are clearly marked, along with a lot number for quality control, as well as a “Born” date to let you know when the product was made.
A note on that date on the label… Mickey Martin, the outspoken owner of Compassion Edibles, has been known to call out his competitors in the past. I can remember many times that he has compared other brands of pot cookies to hard, tasteless objects like bricks.
Having made many, many, many of my own personal weed cookies, I know that the biggest problem I have had in the past is eating them all before they do dry out and get hard and unsavory. So when I saw a “Born” date on my Snickerdoodle of May 14th, I was skeptical of how fresh it could possibly be.
Once opened, I was immediately whooshed with a rush of cannabis aromas. It quite literally smelled like a bag of dank Sour Diesel, so it was little surprise to see that exact strain was a predominant ingredient in my Snickerdoodle Cookie, along with OG Kush.
All too often, a dominant weed stank like that in edibles is foreshadowing for the whole EZ-Bake-asshole effect I try to avoid at all costs, but again, this smelled like weed I wanted to smoke!
Pulling the oversized cookie from the pouch, I was shocked at how big around it was, how heavy it was, how motherfucking delicious it looked, and how fresh it felt from the first touch.
These things are about as big around as the bald spot on the back of Manu Ginobili’s head, and I ain’t gonna lie, I was slightly intimidated by its …girth. But, since, like Eddie Murphy, I quit giving a fuck sometime in the mid-80’s, I opened the hatch and powered down one fullJDbite™.
I cannot say that there was no weed flavor involved, but man it sure was subtle. If you didn’t know you were eating a medicated Snickerdoodle, even a true stoner would have a hard time identifying ‘weed’ as the variant flavor in the cookie – until it hit them like a Mack truck, but we’ll get to that.
The predominant flavor is a super dank Snickerdoodle, like Pepperidge Farms on steroids. But laying just beneath that familiarity is the funk, which for some reason, when mixed with the sugar and cinnamon, produced a wholly unique blend of flavors that had me pondering for close to ten minutes between bites 1 and 2.
By 8:30pm, I was about 1/2way done with the mighty ‘doodle, but it wasn’t anywhere near done with me. My body was completely relaxed, including my neck, shoulders, and lower back which had been throbbing less than an hour earlier from a long day at my desk.
It was right around that time that The Grin set in.
The Giggles followed shortly thereafter.
With no music or TV, no video games or social medias to distract me, I sat in silence at my dining room table, laughing with and at myself until 8:50pm, at which point I took my final bite of Snickerdoodle, literally licked the napkin clean of the crumbs, and stood up to decide how to spend the rest of the night.
My legs felt fine at that point, but simply vegging on the couch did not sound appealing as the Compassion coursed through my veins.
I had no intention of writing that night, but I suddenly felt compelled to do so as I got an unexpected boost in motivation. I sat down at my desk at about 5 after 9, and began to write. Nearly two hours later, a pretty darn good article was done – though I couldn’t have told you who wrote it, the time was a blur…literally.
I looked at the digital clock across the room.
I rubbed my eyes…redder…blurrier…
I got up from my seat at my computer, and almost collapsed as my legs felt like anchors.
Closer now, squinting…11:25pm
3.5 hours in…
The Giggles were gone.
In fact, as I made my way to bed to read myself into a perfect night’s sleep, my wife texted me on her break at work.
“Whatcha up to?”
“I’m busy” my hands decided to type back.
“Busy doing what?” she asked innocently enough.
“Busy typing messages to you about how busy I am” I replied, like a dick.
With that, I decided maybe I ought to call it a night.
I awoke, 8.5 hours later, the sheets hardly disturbed, to my less than amused wife getting home from work.
The cottonmouth was enough to strangle an ordinary man, and my eyes felt like they were glued 90% shut, but I was completely rested, head to toe.
Even with my high tolerance level, I experienced the full gamut of effects from one full 100mg Compassion Edibles Snickerdoodle Cookie.
Besides being one of the most influential cannabis activists of our time, Martin has been leading the way in the marijuana edibles industry since before assholes like me started using words like “industry” and “marijuana” in the same sentence. With over a decade of weed food experience, and a dedicated crew behind him, there is no limit to the success that Martin and Compassion Edibles may have.
They have a strong social media presence, so if you want to get Compassion Edibles into your favorite dispensary, have them give the crew a shout on Facebook, Instagram, or through their killer website @ http://compassionedibles.com/. There you can find their list of all authorized retailers in California, as well.
I still have my sights set on that Chocolate Caramel Sea Salt Bar, but the Oatmeal Raisin, Peanut Butter, and Chocolate Chip Cookies look decadent too.
If my #GGFam is looking for a professionally prepared and packaged portion of weed food, I can confidently recommend Compassion Edibles to any and all cannabis lovers.
The best part about getting edibles from a reputable source, is that you can trust their advertised dosage levels. This is crucial when eating weed. With that full dosage in mind, users can ration one Cookie into 3 or 4 fun attitude bumps, if they so choose.
Or just pound the whole fucking thing and make sure that you think twice before texting!
Thanks for tuning in, this is Jack Daniel bringing you nothing but the best of what the weed world has to offer, one Grimey toke (or bite!) at a time!