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Published on December 20th, 2015 | by gatsbyadmin

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Real Life Grinch Fakes Heart Enlargement

Don’t let Martin Shkreli rebrand.

Perhaps you’ve never heard of this person. That would be wonderful news. Only Shkreli himself would be saddened to hear it for he is a hollow human shell with no heart and an addiction to attention.

Shkreli introduced himself to the general public earlier this year by buying the rights to HIV medicine and increasing the price to $750 per pill. Through the years, the hedge funder has quietly done this same thing with medicines for many diseases with no cure.

Unfortunately for Shkreli, he isn’t just another money-hungry monster without feelings. True, he lacks compassion and other feelings that would qualify him as “human.” But at the end of the day, he needs attention. Badly. And when an attention-whore ruins their image on an international level, they gotta do something, something big. Shkreli, a man of schemes, is turning to the rap community.

martin_shkreli4

Just reading through his recent interview with HipHopDX, it’s clear there was much awkwardness. During the interview, Shkreli tried to foil the idea that he is “some powder puff white guy CEO that’s got too much money.” Don’t drink anything while you read the interview or you might laugh and spit all over your laptop as he makes his case for being hard with stories about growing up ‘around the hood,’ hiring somebody to watch a guy’s house, and threatening somebody’s kids.

Why did HipHopDX even interview him? Apparently so that Shkreli could announce his latest ploy for fame and fortune: bail out jailed rapper Bobby Schmurda on the condition that Schmurda record an album for him and potentially help Shkreli launch his own rap career. Now that is some fucked up opportunism.

Of Schmurda, Shrkeli said “he reminds me of me, quite frankly.” Sure, bro, you are basically the white Bobby Schmurda.

Joining the “Free Schmurda” campaign isn’t Shkreli’s first stab at recovering his image. Somewhat recently, when Wu-Tang Clan announced they had made an album limited to one copy, costing $2 million, Shkreli also saw opportunity.

Unfortunately, he bought that album.

Fortunately, one of the stipulations to his purchase is that Wu-Tang Clan (or Bill Murray) can attempt to steal the album back, wild but true.

Of course RZA announced his intention to reclaim the album, stating that the deal was made before Shkreli hiked the price of AIDS medicine.

In reference to RZA’s tweet, Shkreli revealed his hallmark lack of class as well as total ignorance of hip-hop culture in encouraging the Wu-Tang legend to “shut the fuck up before he goes a little too far.” Pretending to have control of the situation, Shkreli, who is probably terrified and will likely end up getting hurt, went on to tell HipHopDX “[w]e’ll see what happens. I think he’s a smart man. He definitely acts like his shit doesn’t stink and he invented rap.”

… the sweet sounds of hip-hop authenticity. If we are lucky, he will make a few tracks and we can all laugh at him forever.

If Martin Shkreli bails out Bobby Schmurda, don’t change your mind about him. If Martin Shkreli sells the Wu-Tang album for $1 a copy, don’t buy it. Steal it (obviously).

Don’t let Martin Shkreli reinvent himself. No matter what he wants to be, we already know what he is.

UPDATE: Shkreli arrested for fraud last Thursday.

 

Written by: Martin Osborn @o_z.z_y

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